Connection
by Rose Stetson
Summary: Sam and Jack connect about some secrets they have in their pasts. Season 1 after Singularity


**Connection**

**This is based on challenge #23 from _www geocities com/sjchallenge/_**

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Sam looked at the pictures that decorated the walls of her base quarters. She took a deep breath and began taking down the unnecessary decorations. A part of her begged herself to reconsider her decision to let Cassandra be adopted by another family…Cassie was hers; she had bonded almost solely with Sam, and…

Tears slipped down her cheeks. How could anyone send a little girl to another planet as a Trojan Horse? She hadn't even been able to leave her in the vault by herself to die.

She closed her eyes painfully recollecting those few moments. She knew that she had scared her team members- it had been the first time she had defied a direct order from her commanding officer.

She sank onto her cot and clutched the quilt that she had tucked around Cassie a hundred times or so in the last few days. "Why does it hurt so much?" She asked aloud.

"Because loving them feels so good." Jack replied.

She didn't turn around, but quickly wiped at her cheeks. "Oh, sir…I didn't hear you come in."

He shrugged. "I should have told you that I was here."

She stood up and started to put the quilt into the box of things that was going to Janet's house. But she paused, as though doing so would make her memories disappear.

"Carter, you okay?"

She nodded and placed the quilt in the box. Then, she returned to her bed.

"You sure?" He asked as he closed the door and came to sit next to her.

"Yeah."

"You know, we were never able to take anything out of Charlie's room after he died. I think Sara's kept his room just the way it was when he was alive." Jack said.

Sam swallowed. "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Carter, I know you got attached to Cassie."

She turned away, expecting a rebuke. "I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"I would have been disappointed if you hadn't." He said, about to place his hand on her shoulder, but deciding against it.

"In fact, when the General was deciding what to do with Cassie, I was sure that you would…"

"With my job?" Sam interrupted, sharply. "You've got to be kidding."

"Why? You'd be a great mom. You proved that with Cassie." Jack countered.

"One thing I've learned. There are women who are natural mothers, while others are natural aunts. Now, I like kids, but I think I fall under the 'natural aunt' category." She began.

"What on earth are you saying? Sam, you're a natural mother. You may not have actually given birth, but…"

He stopped when she bit her lip, trying to hold back tears. "When?" He asked, softly.

She swallowed. "I got pregnant while I was dating Jonas. It helped me decide to marry him." She smiled, sadly. "It was like I was a queen. He had asked me to marry him just before I found out, and so I thought it was like a sign."

She sniffled, and Jack placed his arm around her shoulder, not hesitating this time. Then, he gave her a pocket package of Kleenex.

She looked at him curiously.

"I keep a few around for Daniel, you know…just in case."

She managed a weak smile. "I miscarried at eighteen weeks. When I got back from the hospital, my life turned into a nightmare. Jonas started to get abusive. Not physically…at first, but…" She started sobbing. "He said it was…all my fault."

"Sam, it wasn't your fault." Jack said, compassionately as he delicately stroked her hair. Jack was surprised at himself. He'd only been this tender with Sara, and the fact that he was experiencing this with his second in command scared him. Each moment that he spent with Sam was bringing that part of him out again- the part of him that wanted to protect her, to hold her, to keep her from suffering ever again. Each moment with her increased her hold on his heart.

"Psychologically, I know that, but there's just something about miscarriages that is already degrading. But to have the father of that child…"

"Bastard." Jack muttered under his breath. How could any man do that to a woman?

She gave him a strange look, and he cleared his throat to relieve himself of his sudden insecurity.

"So, that's why you didn't want to take Cassie?"

"How could I expect to take care of a ten-year-old girl if I can't take care of a child who hasn't even been born yet?" Sam replied, miserably.

If she hadn't been so grief-stricken, she would have been mortified to realize that she had just confessed her darkest inner thoughts to her commanding officer. But she was just grateful for the loving arms of such an understanding and compassionate man.

"Sam, you were amazing with Cassie!" He protested.

"And my niece and nephew love me too," She added. "But I don't have full responsibility of them."

Jack took a deep breath. She had shared some personal things with him. It was probably his turn to return the favor.

"Sara had a miscarriage two years before we got Charlie. I was on an assignment, and I was only allowed to go home because I had been injured." He took a deep breath. "She nearly died."

Sam stopped crying in surprise, but he continued quickly not wanting any comment.

"We found out that Sara wouldn't be able to have any children after that. Charlie was her, no, Charlie was our miracle."

"Sara wasn't…" Sam said, still processing the information.

"No, Sara didn't give birth to Charlie…but she was his mother." Jack said, firmly. "We adopted him when he was four, and he won our hearts instantly."

"It must have been terrible…for him to die…like that." She said.

"Yeah." He said, softly. "I missed so much by being on assignment."

They sat comfortably in silence, each tapping into their tumultuous internal emotions. They lost all track of time, and after a few hours, Sam turned to Jack.

"Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded. "How about you?"

"I think I will…"

He looked at her and brushed a few strands of hair from her face. He took a prolonged look at her red, puffy eyes and her splotchy face. Oddly enough, she had never looked so beautiful…probably because she had never looked so real.

"Yeah, I think you are…but if you ever need anything- and I mean anything- you let me know, okay?"

"Yes…sir."

He looked forward once more. "You can lose the 'sir' for now, Samantha."

A chill went through her. She absolutely loved hearing him say her name…her full given name.

"What if it's just a compliment?" She whispered.

"Then, I'm your man."

She smiled. "Good."

Jack put his arm around her shoulder, and she snuggled in closer to him. They sat in silence like that, comfortably, until the next emergency surfaced.


End file.
